I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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