its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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