i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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