At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
