I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
