Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
