Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love having hate sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
