I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My nipple is on Facebook.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
