K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
