drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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