its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
