I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
