Need sex. Gaining weight.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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