You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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