you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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