hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
