A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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