woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
