Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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