I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Two words: blizzard sex
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
