seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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