Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
