This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
