you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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