That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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