my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she pinky promised me she was 18
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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