you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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