He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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