I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
