I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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