i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You left your underwear on the fireplace
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
