you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
