What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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