It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
