I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
