I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
