end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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