Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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