ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
