Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
