Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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