1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
