I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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