I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
