Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
