He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
