i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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