While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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