I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
