The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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