Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
why do cheetos always look like penises
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
